The casa. The hub. The hum, rhythm, music, sweat, crying, laughing, singing, sequence, feathers, vibrant hues, costume changing, stretching, flexing, pushing, challenging, practice, last bell, perform, repeat. The constant energy of movement and life itself is parallel to that of the dance recital. Colliding like hundreds of backstage dancers with seconds to change costumes, bobby pins, lip stick, enter stage left, lights, action, dance!  However perfected the recital looks, behind the performance is every bit as critical as the performance itself. My decade as a young dancer was preparation in every way for a constant, back stage, life. A laissez faire, anything goes, any time before show time, kind of life.

Isla, 1yr. my littlest ballerina.

The harmony of chaos is attainable. Is it though? That’s what it appears, by that perfectly perfected family. The ones who never have broccoli in their teeth and they all sweat roses. Never a fail or missed cue. Blech.

That’s not us. In this household we all fly out the door half dressed, but ready none-the-less. I feel most days we are still that works-in-progress type. Some days straining the limits. Most days feeling exposed or weak in one area or another.  Our fragile, self serving, half perfected links will get exposed and weaken the whole corps if we haven’t learned from the day before. We learn to find each others strengths and capitalize on it. Practicing at life. Trying to get it right. Striving for a perfection. Separately growing, while engaging through life as the larger body. Each day brings us closer to the height of a potential new bravo. That best performance ever. A standing ovation worth a Tony. Kudos to those that have perfected things. As for me and my corps, we continue buzzing through back stage with seconds till go time, and our shoes merely half on.

Life is a dance.

Thank you for reading.

Drew 1 1/2, man of the lake

Born the man of gusto. Warmth. Protector. Loyal. Bringer of light to any moment. Giver. Depth. I was blessed with only 1 son and he’s worth 100 sons. He is a champion of rallying others and has deep reservation for anything fun, loud, and energizing. Behold, he is the great Drew in my life.

Drew has this amazing capacity to connect with people. He always was the child who easily made friends. His 2nd grade teacher made a special point to share his abilities with me during his conferences.  A child that had a hard time moving to the school mid-year, had blossomed under Drew’s friendship. Drew reached out and put a smile on his friend’s face every day and they soon became the popular duo.  Drew was the small boy who was seen at a wedding, chatting it up with 80 year old man about fishing triumphs the two had had in their separate excursions.  They were laughing like old chums and I have never seen an older gentleman laugh so hard in all my life.  Drew has always possessed deep psychology and reasoning  for things I always thought only adults could sense.

He is the child that will find the positive, by saying, “At least you didn’t burn it this time, mom! Good job.”  And if you have a troubling moment, he can sense it a mile away, bring it out of you, and have you discussing the distresses of your adult life with him. He’s incredible gifted with people skills. Which also makes him a fantastic little enterpriser when he has a cause to forge.

Drew 11yrs

I always thought I would have all boys, like my mother had been graced with.  I had only 1. I saw the power that my one son possessed to shine and bring incredible warmth to every situation.  His invaluable skills are being handy around the house and herding his 3-sisters out the door, on time. I love Drew with all my heart and I’m so glad if I only got one son, it was Drew. He’s going to do great things someday and I have been so incredibly, joyfully, honored to be his mom.

Grace’s 1st year photo.

News of being graced with a child is something everyone remembers.

Whether it took years to receive that blessing or whether it was a surprise, or whether you had to special order it, you don’t forget every minute of discovering you would soon behold a miraculous life in your arms and be apart of something far larger than life itself. It’s a heavenly moment. That is how I felt. And waiting for my firstborn, Grace, was like apprehending a divine appointment.

The very blossoming moment of becoming a mother to the beautiful child in my arms, soon became the “first” of many other significant moments.

The first precious smell.

The first giggle.

The first time rolling over.

The first tooth.

The first step.

The first meal.

The first holiday.

The first musical moment.

The “first” special thought that this is forever. It’s very transcendency wipes away all old desires and accomplishments and wondrously realizing that you are an honorable part to an amazing being. Your thoughts realizing you are instrumental to all that they are capable of. Your new role puts you in unspoken category with all the others, mothers and fathers, in the world. It’s like being in a new league of citizenship.You can nod and laugh with others in public and “get” it. It’s a new code. A new awakened course that leads you gently, and sometimes harshly, through your own life.

Grace’s 14th year photo.

My first was, Grace. She is just that. All the wondrousness of being graced with someone so incredible that I could not ever deserve. I love all that she is and will become.

The Amazing Grace.

Many are the occasions where I am just a step, or two or three, behind my darling toddlers, Evy and Isla.  I can’t even possibly utter their names in my consciousness without visions of mischief or hilarity coming to mind. They assuredly add the “spice” to our family recipe, on a daily basis.

We recently had our family room T.V. stop working which is about as devastating as it gets for our home.  We called our cable provider and they walked us through all the usual help-desk prompts.  All to no avail. Darn. As we figured, they needed to send in someone with true wizardry. The technician arrived the next day and we practically rolled out the red carpet and rose petals. Yay, the TV would soon be working!

The cable guru, fully uniformed and tooled-up, comes in and steps up to the challenge. It reminded me of something similar to the 1963 Disney movie, “The Sword and The Stone”, where young (King) Arthur walks over to the stone and loosens the hailed sword that restores magic and power back in the kingdom! The cable man was our great hope! He heads over the TV. He checks over all the wires and I hear silence as he looks at all the connections…. I hear blowing, a few other tinkers, then he pulls back a few steps. He says it appears the whole thing was clogged with what looked like glitter?! … I was a little embarrassed, and say, Really?  I was mildly shocked that’s all the issue was.  Then I look over to my angels, Evy & Isla, who must have jammed all those little parts with glitter. Who possesses such skills?  Knowing what Evy and Isla’s previous projects have been, I wasn’t terribly surprised.  I’m always one-step behind my girls.  Thank you dear cable man for your great service! And sorry about all that glitter.

While watching a movie with my husband and kids the other night, something made me think of the age old question… what if we never existed? Were never born? Or ended our life short?

The world would have missed out on SO much more!

The movie we watched was “Kate & Leopold”, (2001, with Hugh Jackman, and Meg Ryan). The first scenes took place in 1876, and Prince Leopold Mountbatten, was told by a family member that he had become a “blemish” to the family name. On his 30th birthday. He was shamed as an epic disgrace to his monarchy family!  Those around him ridiculed his hobbies, and called them trash. In the next scene, Leopold suddenly takes interest in a guest at his party and begins chasing after the man once he acts oddly suspicious (spoiler: he’s from the future) to which they both stumble into a vortex of sorts and land in modern day NY. The plot becomes more alluring quite quickly as the man from the future, who happens to be a physicist, has a spunky and cute independent girlfriend (enter: Meg Ryan). To find out the rest of Kate & Leopold’s story you’ll have to watch the movie to find out for yourself… Trust me, It’s good! And believe me, our world would be Disastrous without Leopold’s little hobby.

To sum this all up: There is unfathomable value in each of us. More than our thoughts or our present company sometimes give us credit for!  You or someone you inspire, or someone you help, or a magnificent thought you are on the brink of creating, or c0-creating… could be what’s going to cure cancer, solve the black hole mysteries, become the next nobel peace-price winner or Greater Yet, Save the World someday.

Illness is selfish.  Don’t let it stop you.

Negative thoughts & slurs (our own and from others) are selfish. Don’t let them stop you.

Diversity can be selfish. Don’t let it stop you.

Hate is selfish. Don’t let it stop you. 

Your Past can be selfish. Don’t let it stop you.

Time can be selfish. Don’t let it stop you.

Suicide is selfish. Don’t let it stop you or someone you love.

Overcome obstacles and let the world discover “more”.

Peace, Love, and Blessings to you!

Thank you for reading.

(This specific blog is dedicated to friends who have lost loved ones.)